Love at/for/in Goucher


reading the goucher blogs at work

hoping that i would find out about

hanging out, video watching, beer drinking

and read that the saddest thing

happened yesterday.


Who was with me on the steps outside of pearlstone when we said, you know, it's strange that no one from Goucher has died yet? It was so morbid of us to point out the statistical facts that day. We lowered our voices and talked about the ones we lost in highschool, the car accident, the over dose, the suicide. We whispered about how the odds were that we could not avoid knowing someone......how morbid it was to wonder who and when and how it would happen.

I am not there with you, Goucher. I do not see how the faces have turned grey and the eyes of the people you pass have turned stone-sad . I am not there to share silent ciggarette breaks from lonely rooms where there is nothing more to say to eachother. I am not there to shake my head with you and hug harder because you can feel in the air that everybody needs it.

this event trancends the: "I've talked to him before, but I can't say i knew him that well," and the " i knew him by face." but i still feel like saying it. even if it doesn't matter now. And if i were there with you, now, goucher, you would nod your head and say "I know." "i know."

there is something that happens on that campus, some of you remember what it was like there on Sept. 11th where there was a communal greif and communal love just like family dealing with loss and confusion. so, if there is a beauty to find in this, i'm sure you are out there looking for it, and you might find it in the stone-sad eyes of the people you pass.

I love you, guys.