Christie and my brother lost the baby. I once asked her, when people were still knitting blankets, and talking about nursery walls what it felt like to have a baby like a bean growing inside of her. I asked her to keep a journal for me of the way every sensation felt so that when i became a mother i had a big sisters guide to the whole nine months. I wonder if she is keeping that journal now, and to tell me how empty it feels in her tummy and how lonely it is not to be able to express it. How she wants to tell people," you didn't know, but i was pregnant, and I lost it, I wasn't even showing yet " I wonder if she keeps a journal of what it is like when she sees women round, chipper, and gleaming, in overalls that are taught across their bellies.

Joe wrote me an email with no subject line:
"Hey Kid, Joe and Christie checking in ...it's been a long couple days. you know.
real tough. Just thinking about you. talk to you soon."