Dear All:
I’m writing to you from my temp job, where I spend a tremendous amount of energy kissing rear-ends all day to get a job here. This morning I printed up an entire UN report on what happened in Bangkok’s Int’l AIDS conference this past weekend. I really think that won me points. Or, at least, I hope so. If this plan (of delivering the very well researched morning news with a chipper freckle-faced grin) fails, I was thinking of baking brownies. Brownies should get anyone hired.

My blogging has slowed to trickle, I’ve noticed. So, when you check this page for an update you can imagine me snatching up photo-copies out of the machine and rushing them to someone more important than me. You can picture me taking a secret snack out of my desk that I’ve hid under a napkin. Imagine me making “an office joke” that no one quite laughs at. You can picture me nodding with fervor and excitement about faxing. This is what I’m doing internet, when I’m not with you.

Right now I’m writing into a Word document so that no one even sees me doing this. I am a spy. I have infiltrated this office and am learning all about them, all the while, secretly relaying it to you, internet. We are the KGB of temping. We are like the CIA….except better informed.

You and I make a great team, internet.

Let me tell you some of the latest developments:
They’ve gotten rid of the water coolers.
I overheard someone say to a future investor:
“Ghana could have a Harbor place like Baltimore.”
I noticed the copier was out of toner, so I left the room so I wouldn’t have to change it.
I know who is getting fired here before they know.
I stole a roll of toilet paper on Friday.
(which, I guess actually means that I stole toilet paper from tax payers.)
So, I stole a roll toilet paper from you on Friday.