water cooler
Right now my tea is too hot to drink, so I might as well tell you the story I just heard over by the water cooler.
No, not about the playoff game, or the most recent episode of desperate housewives...Oh okay, it was, in a way, about the weather.
D is my favorite lady here in the office. She was the woman who pulled my face straight into her enormous bosom the day I was hired. She's loud and her braids tousle on the top of her head when she speaks. She is often pointing.
"I wasn't about to move my car this morning, not after what happened last year. Phil, you don't know that I had a bad experience last year. See, I paid these guys $20 to shovel me out of my parking spot last year, because I lived in an apartment complex and they didn't do it."
Everyone responded in unison. "$20.00??!?"
"uh-huh." she went on, nodding and not stopping. "So anyway, I went out and put the lawn chairs there in my spot and when I got back, and I had been out drinking, someone was in my spot! So, I flattened their tires, that's what it gets like in the snow, people kill each other for those spots. I found out that it was this little girl from Michigan who lived upstairs, She was real sweet. One time I was taking the trash out and I screamed cause I saw a rat, and she came running down in just her bra and shorts because she said she thought was getting raped 'I thought you were getting raped' she said, and she was just in her bra carrying a hammer. This little girl, she was carrying a hammer. But she was real sweet, she went to Peabody, cause my apartment building was over by Peabody and she was a real nice girl. And I'll tell you, when she started crying that someone slashed her tires, I started crying too. I ended up slipping an envelope of money under her door to get her tires fixed cause I felt so bad. I felt so bad. But when I went out to my car the next day, it didn't start. And that's Karma for you. So anyway, I wasn't gonna move my car today, you know?"
So everyone sort of nodded in a slow confusion a little dazed that she just told us, very openly and loudly, of just how she slashed some girl's tires.
I love this lady.
Right now my tea is too hot to drink, so I might as well tell you the story I just heard over by the water cooler.
No, not about the playoff game, or the most recent episode of desperate housewives...Oh okay, it was, in a way, about the weather.
D is my favorite lady here in the office. She was the woman who pulled my face straight into her enormous bosom the day I was hired. She's loud and her braids tousle on the top of her head when she speaks. She is often pointing.
"I wasn't about to move my car this morning, not after what happened last year. Phil, you don't know that I had a bad experience last year. See, I paid these guys $20 to shovel me out of my parking spot last year, because I lived in an apartment complex and they didn't do it."
Everyone responded in unison. "$20.00??!?"
"uh-huh." she went on, nodding and not stopping. "So anyway, I went out and put the lawn chairs there in my spot and when I got back, and I had been out drinking, someone was in my spot! So, I flattened their tires, that's what it gets like in the snow, people kill each other for those spots. I found out that it was this little girl from Michigan who lived upstairs, She was real sweet. One time I was taking the trash out and I screamed cause I saw a rat, and she came running down in just her bra and shorts because she said she thought was getting raped 'I thought you were getting raped' she said, and she was just in her bra carrying a hammer. This little girl, she was carrying a hammer. But she was real sweet, she went to Peabody, cause my apartment building was over by Peabody and she was a real nice girl. And I'll tell you, when she started crying that someone slashed her tires, I started crying too. I ended up slipping an envelope of money under her door to get her tires fixed cause I felt so bad. I felt so bad. But when I went out to my car the next day, it didn't start. And that's Karma for you. So anyway, I wasn't gonna move my car today, you know?"
So everyone sort of nodded in a slow confusion a little dazed that she just told us, very openly and loudly, of just how she slashed some girl's tires.
I love this lady.
posted by j-e-s-s-i-c-a at 10:17 AM
3 Comments:
Tire slashers scare me. It's indicative of a serious flaw in their personality. It's like torturing animals. You just don't know what else they're capable of. This lady slashes tires if someone parks in "her spot"... What would she do in the event someone REALLY did something to piss her off? For all you know, she's got a gun in a drawer.
I need more information about this story.
Are these spaces reserved or does she just have one that she privately considers to be hers? Either way she's a nutjob, but I need to know all the same.
i'm pretty sure it was just a spot on the street in front of her house. but she didn't specify. I also thought that maybe she just let the air out of the girl's tires, and didn't slash them, but you wouldn't need to get new tires if someone let the air out...right? yeah, it's totally nuts. speaking of nuts, my duckpin post is really bizarre. i might be nuts too.
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