good/black wishing

When I was a little girl I used to get good Friday and black Friday (the day after thanksgiving) confused. It seemed to me that it should be the other way around, you drive on a parkway but park on a driveway and what not. And this morning as I was groaning about getting up somewhere between my alarm's 16 and 17th snooze refrain, I softly said to myself "Jesus died today." I had already reconciled myself to coming in late to work under the guise of going to church this morning and have sort of been feeling guilty all day. Half the cars were missing from the parking garage. They are off being fasting and keeping silent from 12-3 I guess. "god must be happy" I thought, as I finished my harvest bar and unbuckled. But I've been uneasy so far today, wishing I was better about a lot of things. I've been looking up grad school programs and wishing my gpa was higher in college, wishing I was actually writing or publishing or just trying to, wishing I was proficient in a foreign language, wishing that I hadn't told that temp I'd meet her for lunch, wishing that jesus didn't have to suffer so much in his death, wishing the cappuccino was better in the coffee-o-matic, wishing I had much smaller stack of things to do in the office, and, of course, the list goes on and on.