Fresh Produce
Man, I hate grocery shopping. I did it yesterday after work and because I haven't gone in so long I think it took me nearly two hours. I always think that I'll die in there.
The only saving grace were the men in the deli line who smiled at me. Oh, and in the freezer section. (holla.) None of them were exactly attractive to me, but I think it's one of those things -- I felt like I was in a bio-dome or some sort of other post-apocalyptic project. I always feel this way in the grocery store (not a bad place to be if the world starts to end, eh?). Altogether forgetting that there's an outside world, because I'm in there for so long, I begin to think who I'd breed with if I was forced to stay forever.
(You win- man with goatee ordering Muenster cheese wearing those terrible jean shorts. Gather the women and children in Aisle 8. I'll prepare the torches for the new population. I'll help the check out ladies pile up $6.99 DVD's for our colony to sleep on and break down the cardboard displays for firewood. We'd better drink the milk, it will go bad first, let's save the candy bars for rations later. I elect the African American couple with the organic produce to lead us. It won't be long now before we start to worship the deities as we become "Newman's Own". Start your prayers to the keebler elves, the virgin butterworth, and our pillsbury savior doughboy. Our reward is in Land O' Lakes; The end is upon us.)
Just as I was preparing to sharpen the bread racks into spear-like weapons, I realized that I was ready to check out.
The only saving grace were the men in the deli line who smiled at me. Oh, and in the freezer section. (holla.) None of them were exactly attractive to me, but I think it's one of those things -- I felt like I was in a bio-dome or some sort of other post-apocalyptic project. I always feel this way in the grocery store (not a bad place to be if the world starts to end, eh?). Altogether forgetting that there's an outside world, because I'm in there for so long, I begin to think who I'd breed with if I was forced to stay forever.
(You win- man with goatee ordering Muenster cheese wearing those terrible jean shorts. Gather the women and children in Aisle 8. I'll prepare the torches for the new population. I'll help the check out ladies pile up $6.99 DVD's for our colony to sleep on and break down the cardboard displays for firewood. We'd better drink the milk, it will go bad first, let's save the candy bars for rations later. I elect the African American couple with the organic produce to lead us. It won't be long now before we start to worship the deities as we become "Newman's Own". Start your prayers to the keebler elves, the virgin butterworth, and our pillsbury savior doughboy. Our reward is in Land O' Lakes; The end is upon us.)
Just as I was preparing to sharpen the bread racks into spear-like weapons, I realized that I was ready to check out.
posted by j-e-s-s-i-c-a at 10:07 AM
2 Comments:
ahahaha liveinlove, i totally want to see this movie you described. you blocked it out in such a great way, i bet it would be greenlighted in no time. casting would NEED to include charleton heston and maybe tina turner as the organic vegetable lady, perhaps reprising her role as auntie entity. damn, i feel like watchin' omega man now.
i agree with mr. dollar. I also think that Joss Whedon would be an excellent choice to direct the film. the apocalypse is looking more tasty now. thanks kiddo.
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