The Other

Last night I went out to dinner with my friend Emily and two new girls I haven't met before. As the night wore on and the dirty jokes progressed, I realized that I not only was I the only straight person at the table, but that I hadn't said or done anything that would let these new friends know that I wasn't a lesbian. As a matter of fact, surely not purposefully, I had done just the opposite. The evening was really fun. The lights went out in the restaurant because of construction outside and our jovial banter escalated to out-right hilarious mayhem. We had such a good time. Yet, at the end of the night, I kept wondering if I had maintained a facade that was somehow untruthful by not somehow clarifying that I was straight.

This is obviously somewhat ridiculous, and they could probably just tell, or even if they couldn't, it didn't even matter at all - but I realized it was one of the few times in life, where I have felt like a real outsider. I could, in some small way, understand how it might be for all of my gay friends, when everyone around them participates conversation where some fraction of it (or all of it)is based on heterosexual assumptions. Do they want to shout and proclaim "Wait, I have a feeling you might be making an assumption about me that is untrue - this is who I am!" And no doubt the moment passes, and just generally leaves you with a feeling of unease. Maybe leaving you with a question of whether these people who met you under an assumption about who you were would still like you if they knew the truth. I imagine, if this were the case, and it happened day in and day out, then eventually it would just be part of how you expected to exist in the world. How do I, as previously unconscious participant, feel about this?...Um, or, maybe, what if I was just thinking about it way too much?

The tempura was delicious, though.