yesterday i was leaving work, and, still struck by the wonder of tall buildings, i was looking up when most people around me were not. Yesterday was really windy, but the first day that the sun came out in a long time. I was feeling really good about life when way up in the ether i saw four pastel hellum balloons that were half deflated, one was purple, one was pink, one was blue and one was white. They were all tied together as they twirled around and were skooted by the breeze past thin, stretched out, transparent, stratus clouds. Something in me regressed:
"oooh balloons." "wouldn't it be nice if they were for me!" And the balloons quickly swooped low right over streetlamp, then a mini-van, and they were so close I could almost reach them! I found myself automatically stepping off the curb, one hand reaching high in the air: "it is my birthday i thought! It really is!" and as I dangled there for a moment, on tip toes, Common Sense came battering down on me: "THE BUSES, JESSICA" he shouted "THERE IS A WHOLE CROWD OF PEOPLE WATCHING YOU GET HIT BY A BUS BECAUSE YOU WANTED SOME OLD BALLOONS"

"oh" I thought. and kind of slouched back away from my balerina poise, reaching for these balloons. They floated up, away and crossed the street, where there was no bus that was about to hit me. But I still felt a little silly, as i felt the presence of the crowded street that I had forgotten about. The people waiting for the bus were watching me reachout, like some crazy lady that tries to catch a bird, and runs after it "cooing." I sunk my head down low, and blushed. I turned to nearest person and said with a hopeful voice, and two raised eyebrows: "I wanted to catch it." I thought if I explained it, maybe they wouldn't think i was strange, maybe they would think: i wanted to catch it too, i mean for Gosh sake, they're balloons that floated down from the atmosphere! you were sooo close! and then congradulate me, or nod with understanding about being sad i didn't catch them.


The first person I turned to was Tiffany. She used to date someone i knew once i think. She lived with Courtney for a while, I think. I remember meeting her before and she didn't know who i was. "oh hey!" she says in response to my strange balloon statement. "oh. i know you, Hi." i said as i walked a little closer, not sure if i should feel more or less comfortable that an aquaintence of mine saw me do that ridiculous thing. She didnt' skip a beat. She didn't notice my heart lift and fall and my embarrassment and defeat.
"We used to work together." she said as a statement. and i sort of nodded, because maybe she remembered somehting i didn't. did we volunteer somewhere together too? i didn't remember.
"Are you still working at Video American? she asked. I was bewildered and muttered out
"uh, no." I wasn' t sure why i was lying, it just seemed easier than telling her that i NEVER worked there.
"When did you leave?" she asked.
"A while ago. I work in that building now." It still caught in my throat, but was coming easier now.
"Which one? Is that the 200 building?"
"No, its 100."
"Are you still dating that guy>..."she fumbled and paused. "what's his name?..you know! the curly hair, he worked in the sandwhich shop? what's his name. I can't remember his name."
"oh him? no, we broke up." I said and added a serious nod
"Oh that's ashame!"
"Well, these things happen, " i said quietly, and then quickly changed the subject "So, where are you living now?"
..... she lives in essex and the conversation went on until her ride picked her up.

so in conclusion i lied about who i was for ten minutes when it would have been just as easy to have told her the truth.

i wonder who she thought i was.