unmerry
I don't know what to get my brother for Christmas and it's devastating. No, no, not that I'm still presentless, but its so difficult for me to come to grips with the idea that I don't know him that well at all. For the last year I haven't really talked to him or been in his company alone. Come to think of it, he and I have never, ever in my life, just hung out alone and talked. But it's come to a point now, that I'm on hanging on a very thin thread above buying him a candle or something else generic and awful, something anyone would like. It's tragic to me to think of buying gifts that aren't in some way a proclamation, of "I'm one of the few people in the world who know you, truly and love you. This gift stands as a testimony to that. This gift is full of love." But instead, giving them a thing, a trifle, an anyone gift.
But when it comes down to it, in varying degrees this permeates everything. I notice it in December. This goes far beyond what I'm getting my brother for Christmas. I guess we all are this way, none of us really knowing another. Is it terrible that every Christmas, instead of being jolly, I can't help thinking about how alone we are in the world. All of us islands, connecting only with bridges of steam that dissipate and disappear. Every December I'm trying to define and redefine what true love is and to figure out if it is possible truly know another person or if we can only know them in relation to our own selfish selves.
Like some sort of morbid, Victorian Christmas theme, I think more often about how we will all experience death with no one with us and with nothing to take a long, no trinkets, no trifles , no special I love you gifts and no anyone gifts and that all of these efforts and trials trying to warm up this shatteringly lonely world are simply wasted in the end.
Or..Then again, maybe it's only some sort of seasonal disorder.
It's funny, sometimes, I want to just write a really sad thing, because I want to get it out, but I feel like I can't always do that here anymore. That it would evoke some unwanted concern from you, my , unknown reader. Or that I might make you uncomfortable. Oh come on, don't do that. Sometimes, we just have these moments, where the world seems like a cold and horrible place to have to live in, then just as quickly, these moments pass. They're just little reminders to let us know our hearts are still working. And it's okay.
I don't know what to get my brother for Christmas and it's devastating. No, no, not that I'm still presentless, but its so difficult for me to come to grips with the idea that I don't know him that well at all. For the last year I haven't really talked to him or been in his company alone. Come to think of it, he and I have never, ever in my life, just hung out alone and talked. But it's come to a point now, that I'm on hanging on a very thin thread above buying him a candle or something else generic and awful, something anyone would like. It's tragic to me to think of buying gifts that aren't in some way a proclamation, of "I'm one of the few people in the world who know you, truly and love you. This gift stands as a testimony to that. This gift is full of love." But instead, giving them a thing, a trifle, an anyone gift.
But when it comes down to it, in varying degrees this permeates everything. I notice it in December. This goes far beyond what I'm getting my brother for Christmas. I guess we all are this way, none of us really knowing another. Is it terrible that every Christmas, instead of being jolly, I can't help thinking about how alone we are in the world. All of us islands, connecting only with bridges of steam that dissipate and disappear. Every December I'm trying to define and redefine what true love is and to figure out if it is possible truly know another person or if we can only know them in relation to our own selfish selves.
Like some sort of morbid, Victorian Christmas theme, I think more often about how we will all experience death with no one with us and with nothing to take a long, no trinkets, no trifles , no special I love you gifts and no anyone gifts and that all of these efforts and trials trying to warm up this shatteringly lonely world are simply wasted in the end.
Or..Then again, maybe it's only some sort of seasonal disorder.
It's funny, sometimes, I want to just write a really sad thing, because I want to get it out, but I feel like I can't always do that here anymore. That it would evoke some unwanted concern from you, my , unknown reader. Or that I might make you uncomfortable. Oh come on, don't do that. Sometimes, we just have these moments, where the world seems like a cold and horrible place to have to live in, then just as quickly, these moments pass. They're just little reminders to let us know our hearts are still working. And it's okay.
posted by j-e-s-s-i-c-a at 2:04 PM
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