since i started my job here i have had a certin feeling about my boss. I knew somewhere within the first week that she was an abused woman. Later i found out that she had dealt with her mother abusing her since she was very little, and i came to understand that she had a child when she was young, and has been married twice before this current marriage. The men in her life didn't seem very nice. There was something about the way she talked about this guy whom she is married to now, something about how flawless and attractive she thinks he is, that lead me to understand that there was something else going on.l It was only my second week of work, when exactly at 5pm she ran to the elevator because he "gets mad when he has to wait" and she rolled her eyes and made a joke, but i saw that she was really scared.
today she said " i think my husband might leave me, soon." and we started to talk with her door shut. I had to ask her first if he hit her two little boys. "NO NO! of course not!!" and when i asked if he hit her she hesitated and said, "no, ...well... he used to, but he doesn't do it anymore."
THe funny thing about my boss is that she is a smart enough lady to understand taht she is giving me all of the signs of an abusive relationship...and today i really think she needed help. no one ever knew because it was such a secret, and i really think, for whatever reason, she felt safe telling me.
I listened to her for a while and we both cried and hugged. I tried to understand where she was coming from, but tried to make sure that i never let her say something like "and its when that happens that i blame myself." I tried to plant the seeds of her leaving him without pushing her away, because she said that she was afraid to tell anyone because they would tell her to leave him. It was one of the most delicate conversations i have ever had, like someone on a ledge. I had to let her know that it wouldn't just stop or go away, that they needed to get help or she needed to get out. but, it was really tricky, because she feels so powerless.
i feel a little terrible that i had an inclination, but i didn't ask her earlier, i just felt like i didn't know her enough, and she was my boss, so it was akward. She told me about this one woman who saw her crying in a 7-11 parking lot, and asked her if she was being hurt, and ifshe had somewhere to go. That was a few years ago, but she still has that woman's number. I gave her the hotline and website for House of Ruth. i don't know if she will call or not..it was a terrible conversation to leave, because i felt like there was nothing i could do.
some of the things that she felt were exactly the same emotions that my mother described to me. It's hard for me to think of my mother as an abused woman. to think of my father as an abuser. to think of how i may have discredited something that she ever thought or felt because i was tired of being councel to her, and tired of being brown up and her best friend when i was too young. but if it weren't for my years of learning how my mother discussed the wrong ideas about how and why she was in that situation, i wouldn't have understood how to talk to my boss. Maybe she wouldn't have even opened up to me....or worse than all of that, i wouldn't have seen this as a potiential emergency, i would have let it slide by and not known to have said anything.
what an emotionally rough morning.
today she said " i think my husband might leave me, soon." and we started to talk with her door shut. I had to ask her first if he hit her two little boys. "NO NO! of course not!!" and when i asked if he hit her she hesitated and said, "no, ...well... he used to, but he doesn't do it anymore."
THe funny thing about my boss is that she is a smart enough lady to understand taht she is giving me all of the signs of an abusive relationship...and today i really think she needed help. no one ever knew because it was such a secret, and i really think, for whatever reason, she felt safe telling me.
I listened to her for a while and we both cried and hugged. I tried to understand where she was coming from, but tried to make sure that i never let her say something like "and its when that happens that i blame myself." I tried to plant the seeds of her leaving him without pushing her away, because she said that she was afraid to tell anyone because they would tell her to leave him. It was one of the most delicate conversations i have ever had, like someone on a ledge. I had to let her know that it wouldn't just stop or go away, that they needed to get help or she needed to get out. but, it was really tricky, because she feels so powerless.
i feel a little terrible that i had an inclination, but i didn't ask her earlier, i just felt like i didn't know her enough, and she was my boss, so it was akward. She told me about this one woman who saw her crying in a 7-11 parking lot, and asked her if she was being hurt, and ifshe had somewhere to go. That was a few years ago, but she still has that woman's number. I gave her the hotline and website for House of Ruth. i don't know if she will call or not..it was a terrible conversation to leave, because i felt like there was nothing i could do.
some of the things that she felt were exactly the same emotions that my mother described to me. It's hard for me to think of my mother as an abused woman. to think of my father as an abuser. to think of how i may have discredited something that she ever thought or felt because i was tired of being councel to her, and tired of being brown up and her best friend when i was too young. but if it weren't for my years of learning how my mother discussed the wrong ideas about how and why she was in that situation, i wouldn't have understood how to talk to my boss. Maybe she wouldn't have even opened up to me....or worse than all of that, i wouldn't have seen this as a potiential emergency, i would have let it slide by and not known to have said anything.
what an emotionally rough morning.
posted by j-e-s-s-i-c-a at 12:01 PM
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