this is the building where i work.

i don't have my own computer/office yet. there is a room that will be my office as soon as my phone lines get forwarded there. i have a window and outside is a building htat ticks headlines from The Sun across it. from where my desk sits i can read them and stare at the reflections of the city in the glass of the building.

i really like the woman Lisa who i work with. to sum her up, she talks to herself, converted to islam, and laughs real loud.

(and think she might have just read that over my shoulder) anyway, she and i are really a lot a like. she says that it is because we are both gemini....but it's almost weirder than that. i havn't told her that the i used to wear the same perfume she has sitting on her desk. we already have too many similarities, one more would freak her out.

i think she is trying to get ahead here, which kind of sucks because she works for this crappy lady Katie, who i have to say is probably one of the stupidest people i have ever met. i mean it's kind of rare that my brain says "woah! you are really dumb!" but i have a feeling she is back-stabby. is "back-stabby" a word.

i've been taking the bus in to work because parking is such a pain, and expensive..and to be honest, i rather like the idea of people gathering together and not necessairly having any connection to eachother.

the bus picks me up across the street from the apt. jeanne says she can see me waiting while she is doing her hair in the morning. i have to be at the bus stop a little bit before 8 and the bus takes me right around the corner from my building by 8:20. i get enough time to stop for coffee if i want it and get in at 8:30. there is a bus that comes every ten minutes after 5 right across the street and i take that right up to 29th street. getting home takes a little longer, maybe 35 mins. the busses are more crowed in the evenings and make more stops.

sometimes i really like riding in on the bus. it's so much easier than driving in the morning. i get here early and get some breakfast across the street and get to watch people and try to figure out where they are going, what they do in their offices and what they packed for lunch.

I hung up on someone for the first time about two mins ago.
the other phone rang and i tried to answer it and i had to call the other lady back to appologize so i went over to a girl in a differnt department and asked "do you know a Megan something that works in a department that begins with a P i think?" her department didn't start with a P. but i found her. and she was nice about me hanging up on her. i just felt like a jackass.

Today, written in gore in my panties i read a sign that said "you are not a mommy". i knew there must have been a reason that i was almost crying about not knowing what to wear last night. i got my period. it makes total sense. today for lunch i endulged my menses and ate a chocolate bar, changed into comfortable shoes and went to hallmark to get weepy reading numerous sappy cards.

at lunch time i spend an hour walking around the city usually thinking how sad it is that everyone is rushing around in their expensive clothes and cars so they can buy expensive clothes and cars. yesterday i was sitting by myself at Peking House, this shitty chinese food place where everyone stands arms crossed, tapping their foot waiting for their food. i ate underneath of one of those lightup paintings with the flashing bulbs. it was a painting of james dean. i saw three differnt people admire it before they left with their carry-out.. they looked sort of numbed by the flashing red and green bulbs and something glinted in their eye that said "sigh, that's pretty."which .....i shouldn't have to mention, is pitiful.

my vegtable egg roll only had cabbage in it.

i can't make it out to seem as desparte as that last paragraph made it seem. i have, on the other hand, also been rejuvinated with my trust in humanity. simple things like smiles and dumb conversations waiting for the bus. almost everyone i pass is welcoming and friendly and somewhere in them they seem kind. ...perhaps it is the desparation of being a downtown worker, always walled off from civilzation in your cubicals and walls painted white with grey trim, perhaps it's that sort of life that forces people to look forward to meeting strangers, to giving directions, to smiling those half-smiles of simple acknowwledgement where none of your teeth show.

a job at last, sort of...


Right now have a temp job working through Kelly Services It sort of rules, you go in for a test ( which i failed, but promptly got a job anyway) and then they call you and say " this job wants you do you want them? it's this many hours and this much money."

I think i could temp forever. and the best part about it is that no matter how much i fuck up here, i'm gone by friday, so they can't get mad. i spend most of my time training or staring at a computer screen trying to seem confused/busy.

Right now I'm working as the head receptionist at the Johns Hopkins Bioethics Institute and i sit next to a man that says "right right right, sure sure sure, yep yeah yep right." all the fucking time.

they like me here though, they offered me a real job right away. but i guess what it comes down to is that i don't want to be a secretary. it sounds like all of the awful parts of a job and none of the terrific parts. i don't want to balance someone's meetings in a palm piolet! I don't want to be souly responsible if stuff gets messed up. they sort of surprised me with an interview yesterday when i was sitting at my desk, which i think is unfair, by the way, and they kept wanting me to say that i was organized and punctual and loved detail work...i just couldn't bring myself to lie. They wanted to hire me, but i kept telling them the wrong thing. they asked for a reference that i worked under so they could call and see what kind of worker i was. WHAT KIND OF WORKER I WAS?? i gaurntee you, i was a terrible worker, i probably made up a ton of lies about why i was late and dirty when i arrived to work. ....

So, i started to beat myself up in my head after the interview, why can't i be one of those people that double checks and makes copies of things, the kind of person that doesn't keep their bills in a pile on the floor next to their underwear....and i realized that it's okay.

there is the kidn of person that would love working for someone else, that would love making sure their meetings allow enough time for lunch and there is someone that would find security in mundane tasks like that. ....and that same person would hate the stuff that i think is fun about a job. ....so, it ends up, i'm not a bad person because i make typos i don't see and i don't really give a shit about "contact numbers" in your palm piolet, ...i'm the terrific kind of person, i'm just an utter mess.


So, I sent a letter telling that woman i didn't want the job, i hope it didn't sound too rude.

I met a friend of mine, Rachel, for lunch, she works in an office near by for the same temporary service i work for. We had lunch the break room of my building. people kept coming in to heat up left-overs, but besides that it was really nice. i liked having someone to eat packed lunches with. i heated up that soup and it was delicious.

I realize that i don't like the office very much at all.



today i broke one of those correction tape dispensers. that sucked. i tried to fix it for almost an hour. i pried it open with a letter opener and tried to perform surgury, but it didn't work, and i just had spools of correction tape all over my desk. i had to throw it away. i was defeated.




There was some sort of Virus threat today, so everyone went yelling down the isle "do your critical updates, do your critical updates" as though the british were coming.





the news was here today! i took a message from the assoicated press when i got in this morning, and they wanted to interveiw our office about a bioethics question. YOu know what Bioethics is, right? bioethics deals with things like jack kovorkian or partial birth abortions...like "is it okay for us to do this?" kinds of questions. the reason why the news wanted to ask them questions had to do with South Korea they announced that they were cloning 30 human embryos. Doctors like the ones in this office are the ones that advise legislatures on what to do in instances like that "is it okay..." etc etc. They are the real ladies and men that go into the World Health Organization of the United Nations. Imagine that. The head of the department had cameras set up in her office, and this old man ran a cable from under my chair. The head of the department was excited because she had the same lighting as Katie Curick. they said they didn't have any questions for me, this time.

They want me to work on this stupid project that is almost impossible. they don't know that it will be impossible, but i try to explain it to them. they've never tried to compile this data. They only way they can do it is if they ask the doctors to do write-ups of everything they did in 2003, there is no way that any data base has all of the inofrmation taht they need...so essentially, i am compiling as much data as you could possibly get, and then they are going to have to go and ask the doctors anyway. which is just stupid. ....so i'm going to try not to do any work on it really, My plan is to check my email a lot until 5 o'clock, the beauty of a temp job, i guess. no one is really going to yell at me. hahaha....this rules.

i'm pretty bored here.

but i'm getting paid to be bored which is what makes america great!

ladies and gentelmen:

I have switched from the ol' standby of
Rum and Coke




to






Cranberry and Vodka